Well I have just come out of a the worst weekend for 2010 so far, and am at one of those crossroads where I just want to give up and cry but know that I won't, and will only push through with the little bit of strength that I can muster. Humbleness is an interesting thing, its a good quality, yet I think it it easily the hardest one. Lets face it, no one likes someone shoving in their face everything they are not good at...well, I have had a weekend of that.
*thanks weheartit for the pic*
My time here in France has not been easy in any sense of the word. Being millions of miles away from my family, my friends, and any normal life as I have come to define it, is hard enough, but add in some other extenuating circumstances and things get magnified. Well I've been so focused on my problems lately that I really, really let down my friend who has been my rock through this entire transition. I was so blind sided by it, and then saw everything clearly and felt so terrible. Its of course in those moments that there is no wording in the world that can you pull you out of the hole you've dug. Of course there are a million excuses for acting like a fool, and usually they are pretty valid, but at the end of the day, you screwed up and that's the bottom line. Of course luckily you have been blessed with people in your life that realize no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and you can both pick up the pieces and move on. My friends are so important to me and I would never ever want to hurt them in any way, so this is one of the biggest faux pas's for me, and for that I am truly sorry.
I can't really divulge on too many of the details involving the other situation, but know this darlings, I have reached this point where I feel like France is turning me into this person that I don't like. Someone whom I have never been. I think all I can do is suck it up and make the best of it. Do things I don't like or agree with and just try to appreciate all that I have right now rather than dwell on all that is bothering me. Besides, everyone has to pay their dues right, well maybe this is just a part of mine, but where's the line, how am I supposed to know? I hate feeling out of control and I hate conflict so when both of those are combined I'm really in an uncomfortable situation.
So there it is mes cheries, and here's what I'd like from you: advice and support. What do you do when life hasn't just got you down, but has literally put stopped you in your tracks and made you question everything you felt was true about life and about yourself?
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